Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
