Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
