we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
