Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
