dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
