She said her name was "party"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
