his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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