I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
