I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
