were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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