we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
