i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
