At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this hospital has no fireball
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
