i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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