Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it penis luge time yet?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
