just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
as a side note pls kill me
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