I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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