mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
