You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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