i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
