none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
