soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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