her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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