By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
