Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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