I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
