i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sarcasm needs its own font
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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