The maid of honor just puked.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
