im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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