i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
