By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
