Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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