so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
