ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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