i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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