What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need to stop coming to work sober
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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