Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
