YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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