So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
