So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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