I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
