I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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