So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
