I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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