I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
