Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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