I accidentally burped into my bong.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
