And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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