So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
