She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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