Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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