i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His hands were made for my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
