the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
