Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
