i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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