the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
