Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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