even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
