Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
