I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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