I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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