its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
