Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
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Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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