I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
