what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
