this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
