Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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