I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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